The Final Chapters of Book 2 Coming!!!


Live Interaction with the Author - Fox

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Update on myself

I"m here in subic now..alone with my dog. This is where I recharge myself...self realization...and do what I love without anybody looking or dictating me what to do. I watch DVD marathons of my favorites movies and TV series. I kept them here even though I'm seldom here. This is my sanctuary, where all the things that I love are here.

Like my story, my life is so complicated. It is not a simple villain/protagonist situation. I prefer to be alone and yet, I have a 13 years partner. I hate family and yet I still live with my family. I hate working but now I'm working again.

I can't relate to anybody since, most of my friends are either selfish or they don't have for me. I listen to them, but it is always one way. A friend never listened to me since they always knew me as a strong person and with a strong conviction.

Over the years, I did not adjust myself to anybody. I stood up to what I am now. I stood up for my individuality. I don't care if what I did is right...what I know is, when I die...I can tell God that I lived the life that I was suppose to..and NOT ACCORDING TO ANYBODY.

Over the years, I thought that as I grow older, problems would subside and wherein my maturity will cover for the stress and disturbances. But I was wrong...very wrong...there wasn't any difference when I was 19 and now.

I am a very passionate and kind person. I love to give...but I'm also a perfectionist. I never got any interest in acquiring wealth or money that I don't really need...and probably that's why I'm still poor up to now when it comes to cash balance. I might have assets in the millions but I'm cash strap. I had established businesses wherein no other person in this planet can compare to what I had accomplished...not because I want to be rich but because I just want to experienced it.

So why am I blogging or propagating myself here? because I have no one...I don't have those friends who will understand and console long time partner won't even give a damn about me...nor my mom or my close relatives...because they know..I was a survivor and I will remain one...

But a survivor also have some feelings too...I feel sad...I feel alone...I cry...I smile..I laugh...and we want to relate things...just to check what reality is. I am very depressed right now and my escapism is to write..write and write. This is my escapism.

I think that's it.


cozimbad said...

hmm pre may background music ako para sau yung "Warrior is a child" hehe

cozimbad said...

isa pa...
Don't let pessimism get into you...
yep madali ko lang tong sabihin kasi wala ako sa position mo, pero i have felt that same feeling of sadness almost a year ago.
Everything felt so gray and dull...

kaya pre good vibes lang lagi!!!
try mo kaya magpatugtog ng mga music na nakaka-psych ! hehe para laban lang ng laban \m/

AIS said...

"So why am I blogging or propagating myself here? because I have no one...I don't have those friends who will understand and console me..."

isang ngiti para sayo.
chill...masyadong idealistic if you have a perfect world.

its either...
natatakot ka sa sasabihn ng mga kaibigan mo kung magoopen up ka..
hindi ka sigurado kung worth it ba pag may sasabihn kang insecurities mo..
ayaw mong masira ang image mo as the "cool guy/grl" o wte.

or simply the people around you are talagang shits.

di ka perpekto.di ka nagiisa.

isipin mo nalang lahat ng nakakasalubong mo kalbo.

Jeffreyson said...

where in subic? subic zambales or subic freeport zone :) naka tira po ako sa olongapo :)