I"m here in subic now..alone with my dog. This is where I recharge myself...self realization...and do what I love without anybody looking or dictating me what to do. I watch DVD marathons of my favorites movies and TV series. I kept them here even though I'm seldom here. This is my sanctuary, where all the things that I love are here.
Like my story, my life is so complicated. It is not a simple villain/protagonist situation. I prefer to be alone and yet, I have a 13 years partner. I hate family and yet I still live with my family. I hate working but now I'm working again.
I can't relate to anybody since, most of my friends are either selfish or they don't have for me. I listen to them, but it is always one way. A friend never listened to me since they always knew me as a strong person and with a strong conviction.
Over the years, I did not adjust myself to anybody. I stood up to what I am now. I stood up for my individuality. I don't care if what I did is right...what I know is, when I die...I can tell God that I lived the life that I was suppose to..and NOT ACCORDING TO ANYBODY.
Over the years, I thought that as I grow older, problems would subside and wherein my maturity will cover for the stress and disturbances. But I was wrong...very wrong...there wasn't any difference when I was 19 and now.
I am a very passionate and kind person. I love to give...but I'm also a perfectionist. I never got any interest in acquiring wealth or money that I don't really need...and probably that's why I'm still poor up to now when it comes to cash balance. I might have assets in the millions but I'm cash strap. I had established businesses wherein no other person in this planet can compare to what I had accomplished...not because I want to be rich but because I just want to experienced it.
So why am I blogging or propagating myself here? because I have no one...I don't have those friends who will understand and console me...my long time partner won't even give a damn about me...nor my mom or my close relatives...because they know..I was a survivor and I will remain one...
But a survivor also have some feelings too...I feel sad...I feel alone...I cry...I smile..I laugh...and we want to relate things...just to check what reality is. I am very depressed right now and my escapism is to write..write and write. This is my escapism.
I think that's it.
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