August 28, 2011

Well, now I'm here in San Francisco...as usual..expect the unexpected. I need to adopt to a lot of things and of course the learning curve again...in terms of lifestyle, direction, etc.

Soon I will review the book again..since I forgot the details already again...for the nth time...and start writing.

Aug 2 2011

Here I go again with these moments. For the book, sorry, but I promise I will continue and finish it.

I'm leaving for the US next week and right now, I am full of anxiety and presumption, in regards to what will happen to me over there. It was like 6 years ago, since my last trip to California. And that was boring..and that was the reason why I never came back.

But now, I'm going for a business trip. Who knows what will happen...but geez...it will be months...minimum of 2 months...I'm just wondering if I can stay there that long. Yes I've worked, studied and lived there..but that was ages...

Now, I'm so stress out...thinking of what I will leave here in Manila. My lifestyle...my routine...my room...my dogs...my friends..etc.

But...we need to take a leap or jump sometimes in our lives..and this is what it is. But with more time in the US...i guess I can go back to my writing...just like in Melbourne.

that's it for now. wish me luck....hope we can make tons of sales in the US.

Update on myself

I"m here in subic now..alone with my dog. This is where I recharge myself...self realization...and do what I love without anybody looking or dictating me what to do. I watch DVD marathons of my favorites movies and TV series. I kept them here even though I'm seldom here. This is my sanctuary, where all the things that I love are here.

Like my story, my life is so complicated. It is not a simple villain/protagonist situation. I prefer to be alone and yet, I have a 13 years partner. I hate family and yet I still live with my family. I hate working but now I'm working again.

I can't relate to anybody since, most of my friends are either selfish or they don't have for me. I listen to them, but it is always one way. A friend never listened to me since they always knew me as a strong person and with a strong conviction.

Over the years, I did not adjust myself to anybody. I stood up to what I am now. I stood up for my individuality. I don't care if what I did is right...what I know is, when I die...I can tell God that I lived the life that I was suppose to..and NOT ACCORDING TO ANYBODY.

Over the years, I thought that as I grow older, problems would subside and wherein my maturity will cover for the stress and disturbances. But I was wrong...very wrong...there wasn't any difference when I was 19 and now.

I am a very passionate and kind person. I love to give...but I'm also a perfectionist. I never got any interest in acquiring wealth or money that I don't really need...and probably that's why I'm still poor up to now when it comes to cash balance. I might have assets in the millions but I'm cash strap. I had established businesses wherein no other person in this planet can compare to what I had accomplished...not because I want to be rich but because I just want to experienced it.

So why am I blogging or propagating myself here? because I have no one...I don't have those friends who will understand and console me...my long time partner won't even give a damn about me...nor my mom or my close relatives...because they know..I was a survivor and I will remain one...

But a survivor also have some feelings too...I feel sad...I feel alone...I cry...I smile..I laugh...and we want to relate things...just to check what reality is. I am very depressed right now and my escapism is to write..write and write. This is my escapism.

I think that's it.